How I procrastinate
or: five ways I occupy myself
Written as a last-minute submission for January 2026’s Bear Blog Carnival. Better late than never, right?
I am a terrible, terrible procrastinator. I have put things off ever since the concept of delaying had germinated in my mind as a young child. As a naturally neurotic and anxious person, it’s really no wonder that I enjoy torturing myself.
The harms of constantly avoiding my responsibilities, needs, and wants notwithstanding, here are my go-to methods to never get anything done.
1. Game
I have found no better way to distract myself and forget all my problems. It’s all too easy to get completely engrossed in a game.
I am partial to games that I can easily pick up and put down. I would also rather not stress myself out too much when I’m already tweaking out.
For the most part, this involves single-player games like Minecraft. Recently, I’ve also (re)discovered Board Game Arena with its huge selection of games. I’ve spent more time than I care to admit on Yahtzee and Solo (a more fun variation of Uno) over this week. Number go up, dopamine go up, simple as.
2. Clean
When you’re procrastinating, you might find yourself thinking, “Procrastinating fucking sucks; what’s stopping me from just doing the thing”?
Evidently, your environment is getting in the way.
Everyone knows that you can’t sit down at your desk before you rearrange the books on your shelf in alphabetical order, eliminate every speck of dust from the room, and clear out your folders on your PC. (Who said this was limited to the physical realm?)
3. Read
With the advent of the Internet, it has never been easier to find some text to read. (Like what you’re doing now… I know what you are.)
I have a lot of proper books loaded onto my e-reader, but sometimes I have to procrastinate on that, too, for no reason in particular.
In these moments, Wikipedia is my best friend. Most of the time I open up 50 background tabs and let my eyeballs mindlessly dart across the text, or I might actually try to learn something.
Hell, I might generate a brain wave. In which case…
4. Write
Have you ever had an opinion? Do you have no friends to yap to in real life? Start writing today; it’s free and it’s fun, and you’ll never regret it1!
Look, that’s what I’m doing now! As I write, I’m avoiding doing my Anki flashcards for the day. I can take as much time as I like to agonize over my word choice, knowing that it won’t matter a single bit because I’m not being graded or paid or evaluated in any way apart from my self-criticism.
5. Sleep
Everyone knows sleep is good. Just look at how much I’ve done today! It’s no wonder I’m tired. I’ll just lie down for a bit. Take a breather. I can get back to work after this power nap…
Zzz…
Shit, how’d I fast forward 13 hours?
No guarantees, of course.↩