How to be interesting
Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate. As a perpetually single man, I have chosen instead to stay cooped up at home to avoid the rampant PDA1 on the streets. So that got me thinking about whether I should put myself on the market again, who I’d like to date, and what kind of partner I’d like to be.
I have played with dating apps before, only to realize that 1) I am seriously not built for it, and 2) I dislike the concept for many reasons. Mainly the performative and superficial aspect — having to reduce myself to a photo and a few lines to compete for a shred of female attention.
Regardless, it did make me reflect on how I’d like to present myself. On the apps, in person, on this very site — how do I convince people to take an interest in me? And what is there to take an interest in, even?
Clearly, I am ill-equipped to answer this; I have no clue how to draw attention to myself. But I suppose I can talk about what piques my interest.
I am loath to admit that visual interest is important. As humans, we rely on split-second impressions to grab our dwindling attention spans. Being visually palatable is great but not sufficient. When I was on the apps, I saw a lot of profiles with contextless photos and nearly no text. That doesn’t leave a lot of options for conversation starters.
Mostly, I appreciate different perspectives. Not being deliberately contrarian, combative, etc., but a willingness to bring varying life experiences and ideas to the table in good faith. I want to know what you care about, what makes you tick, and what you do for fun. It doesn’t have to be something esoteric or unique. Just something you have some passion for and can distill to a layman’s understanding if necessary. I would say I’m pretty drawn to people who are more different than similar to myself.
On the other hand, it’s nice to have common ground worth connecting over. A shared interest, activities we can do together. Even then, I appreciate new insights on those topics.
I also like to hear personal “lore”. Even the most uneventful life is remarkable by virtue of being that uneventful. Telling stories in an interesting way is easier said than done, though. You probably know someone who likes to yammer about whatever random encounter they had a little too much.
A sense of humor is always great. I don’t think I’m very funny, nor am I good at explaining what makes something (or someone) funny. It’s a “you know it when you see it” kind of thing.
On the concept of mysteriousness, fiction loves to romanticize the concept. That enigmatic bad boy/girl that piques your curiosity. I suspect some level of openness is more likely to be successful in reality, though.
I’m not immune to suspenseful hints being dropped (“You can’t just say that and leave us hanging!”), of course. And some people have inscrutable mental processes that make me want to pick them apart and put their brains under a microscope. Though I have found this sort of personality difficult to get along with, so I would rather observe from a distance.
Nobody is truly boring; I’m not insinuating that we should exist to entertain other people. Overthinking your own presentation is likely to be counterproductive. Maybe the path to unspoken rizz is to get out there and touch grass, after all.
Public Displays of Affection, for those unfamiliar with the term.↩